Clenching in the name of love

So...geez, how do I approach this...? Well, I'm a guy, right? Guys have...bodily functions (to put it delicately) that are apparently functions that woman do not experience. Evidently, the female anatomy, while similar to the man's, doesn't have the same digestive process that ours does. I've seen no proof of this but my lovely fiancee continues to be adamant about it. I'm waiting for the test results from a number of specialists and make sure to update you all.

Anyway, one of these "functions" of mine happens to involve a ommitance of air that is known to, at times, be accompanied by sound(s) and aroma(s). These said aromas rarely, if ever, are pleasant to the sense of smell and often times result in loss of friend or invitations to future parties.

Clearly I love my soon-to-be bride, clearly I want what's best for her, and clearly I never want her to be less than ideally comfortable at any given moment.............however....I find that there is a growing fear in me as our live-together life begins in a few short weeks and I'm faced with the dilemma of causing myself intestinal damage, or assuring that she will sit next to me.

This is not a side of myself I feel necessary to hide from her, but more protect her from.

So, until an over-the-counter solution presents itself to me, I shall from October 18th on, be clenching (and something not) in the name of love.

- D